i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
