I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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