i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
