Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
