So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
