Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
