i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
