What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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