I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
