Fuck appropriateness.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
