there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
