You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
