I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
