he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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