I heard we made out
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
