Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
