my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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