No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You are the jesus of drinking
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
