It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
