My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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