We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
