she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
