alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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