Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
