thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your penis caused this!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
