Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
