I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
