She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
