Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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