I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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