We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Too much gin, very little bucket
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
