Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
be right there i have to get my cape
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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