Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
