Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
