and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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