Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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