he wants to bone in the snuggie
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
