I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
two words: eviction party
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just high enough for therapy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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