You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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