What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
