i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
