READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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