The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
