found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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