it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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