for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
