He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
