My friends, they love my intelligence
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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