They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize