She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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