you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
