So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
